I know it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything but the podcast on either of my blogs and I’m here to change that at least temporarily.
Things have been difficult as of late… or rather, as of like three years ago. Or four. Feelings resurfacing, more time to sit and reflect, I’ve got advantages I really do. But sometimes it all feels awful.
You can have a decent job, nice apartment, incredible partner, and still be miserable. You can also have a crap job, be fearful about never affording a home, and love that partner still because she’s great no matter what.
The point is, I’m not happy where I’m at professionally. Although, I don’t think I’ll ever want to be in the contemporary sense. I’m just not made for the world as it exists, at least socially.
I feel a little disjointed so let me drop the writing voice and just say what’s on my mind: *inhales*
I’m stressed out about my work situation, I’m terrified of the future, I don’t deserve my loving partner, I’m unhappy with life, I don’t want to be a human being.
That being said, or rather typed, had exactly the effect on me I was hoping for. Writing is weird in that, there was a profound emotional event that happened when I was about halfway through that above blurb, but you as the reader don’t get to see or experience that. There’s no way to share an emotional response that I had, in the way I did, because you’ll read all of this and think of it from your own emotional perspective. It may have no effect on you, but it’s done what I hoped for, for me. Thanks for being a part of it I guess.
That’s really it though, and that’s what I wanted as well, was to just be able to share with someone. To imagine myself talking to someone, I guess a more different me.
So, to round it out for anyone who follows me or cares, I’m looking to switch jobs again, I don’t know what I want from my future, I’m figuring life out and working on trying to be a little better, and I love my girlfriend.
Thanks, and stay tuned. I’m going to try to be back around with some more writing real soon.
