Good Morning. Just a quick author’s note, these two poems were written over a month ago on October 6th. The first around 1:15am, and the second around 9:30am. I found them scrolling through notes I had on my phone this weekend and realized that I had only shared “Sober October 2019” and thought perhaps I should share them both. However, it doesn’t make sense to share one without the other hence posting them both here together now.
Sober and Sleepless
My mind is racing
it’s off the rail
I’ve tried to stop it
to no avail
Up down, left right
no end in sight
if I don’t stop soon
a sleepless night
A pig, a sail
my sister’s mentor Gail
disillusionment
I’m bound to fail
Incoherent and rambling
tossing and tambling
what’s wrong with me?
help me family
Screams within
racing away
a world of sin
is there no better way?
Why is it, that I must suffer
while those at fault
drift off
in slumber
It’s not my fault
my brain isn’t bad
I don’t need to reframe
that’s only a fad
Restructure, re-think
then you’ll get your wink
is a lie we’re spoon fed
so we go to bed
This restless night
is all our plight
whether you shut eyes
or you’ve a mind that flies
The problem isn’t within
it’s everywhere
do some research
it’s in the fucking air
This smog we choke
work but still broke
the earth it dies
I can’t even cry
How I’d love to ball
get out it all
exhaust my brain
let nothingness reign
What’s the point
nothing will change
a hopeless mind
a man in chains
This isn’t a plea
nor is it pity
I just wanted to see
if anyone else thought it was shitty
That because of the few
I can’t sleep
what they do
we all reap
The engine must stop
the world must halt
across the land
filled with salt
I’ve rambled on
quite long enough
maybe I’ve said it
though it’s been rough
Everything going on
not unknown phenomenon
a calculated attack
on those of us in the sack
Who lie on our backs
stare at our ceilings
awake at night
mind full of feelings
Hearts full of woe
nowhere to go
no one to care
what we’re doing there
In our own head
where we wish to be dead
I need nothing less
than family and friend
So maybe you care
maybe you don’t
maybe you’ll help
maybe you won’t
Either way
I’ll be here
thoughts racing
between my ears
It just won’t stop
this has gone on long enough
what would you say
come on, be tough
It’s not grit that I lack
I want my life back
I’ve sold it away
so that I can pay
So that I can live
if you can call it a life
exchanging my time
for nothing but strife
Another day
it goes on and on
think more and do more
do you not see that it’s wrong?
I need to relax
I need to breathe
I wish this world
would let me be
But it won’t you can’t
because you need me
to do all the things
that you can’t believe
Someone must care
someone must say
you fools
it doesn’t have to be this way
But who would listen
to the insane man
awake in his head
room full of fan
At one in the morning
more than fifteen past
the next stanza
will be my last
My mind hasn’t stopped
but for tonight I’ll try
to care for myself
to be a better guy.
Sober October 2019
Open my weighted and crusty eyes
Feel my aching chest swell and rise
I don’t feel okay, I don’t feel alright
Even though I managed to sleep last night
It’s never enough to easy my plight
Breathe, meditate, sleep, yeah right
I slept for hours why do I still hurt
My mind and my feelings stay harsh and curt
Why! I’d like to shout and blurt
Why couldn’t I awake in a far away yurt
Not here in this place where my pain lives
Peace of mind, to me nothing gives
Only distractions that I ought not forgive
Drain these thoughts through a chemical sieve
Poison and gasses to make me choke
A social habit for self controlled folk
I lie here, a sore sober bloke
While others need not shed a self made yolk
I’ll do my best through all of October
For it is this month that I try to stay sober.
