Today, one of my co-workers was my hero.
It’s been a weird week. We both thought so. Monday through Wednesday was this professional development thing teachers do once a month, so they were full days. Thursday was the opposite, almost nothing to do for primary duties, so lots of long slow secondary stuff. I like the other stuff, but it feels like I’m there longer. Then there was today.
I don’t know what my schedule is on a given day. I talk to my boss to find out what teachers/rooms I’ll be in at what times. Sometimes I’ll get an e-mail from the automated software they use for absences saying I’m in for a certain teacher, but it’s often automatic and our boss assigns us to rooms.
So, I had an e-mail suggesting a good day, and then found out my schedule had one particular class that I’ve been anxious about since I first subbed in it. I’ve spent some time reflecting and I think what makes me so anxious is a few things. It’s a large class size, and I come from rural Vermont so that means 20+ students. There are a few particularly disruptive, or disinterested students, that it seems like everyone knows they don’t give a good effort and no one does much about it. Anyways, ALSO, the first time I subbed in that class I didn’t establish leadership and expectations well, and now both the students and I know it, which is confusing and awkward. There’s more but that’s plenty to explain why my hands were sweating and my body was tense. I just wasn’t comfortable managing that classroom.
This is all around 0715, so I’ve got another 8 hours (minus a half hour for lunch, but eh) of feeling anxious, sweaty, and uncomfortable about the end of my week, which should be the best part.
So I timidly asked my boss if it was okay that subs traded assignments. She said yes, and seemed concerned but didn’t press the issue. I was assigned to help another sub in a room for the first block so while we chatted, I asked if he would switch that one class with me and explained it as that I had messed up with expectations and I was anxious about it, the class and I just didn’t gel. He agreed to switch, in an incredibly casual yet careless manner, saying that if I didn’t want to I didn’t have to. This guy gets it.
So, my day turned around. That first block was us working on a task for administration and chatting. We bonded over flannel sales, which is so insignificant and lame, but it was so nice to know someone else who did something, kind of weird.
The rest of my day was fine, and the last block went much better than if I had been in that class. I was able to leave work without an anxious knot in my stomach, and work almost all day feeling pretty okay. I came home and could relax. I think my weekend will be alright. I think I can be rested for Monday. Four days of my life, impacted by a simple act of humanity.
I’m so grateful, to have even the tiniest bit of hope in humanity restored by this co-worker. I did thank him, but I don’t think he’ll ever know the magnitude of the impact he had. I suppose I should share this, or at least explain more, but that’s not me. I keep to myself. Except when things get too bad. It isn’t a way to be.
I think for some people things get too bad and they have no one, or are so paralyzed by the weight of it all they can’t reach out. I wasn’t sure I could at the start of the day, but I did reach out, and someone was there, and did me a kindness, and it’s changed my whole day, and positively influenced the next three days of my life. For an exchange that resulted in changing an hour and fifteen minutes of duties. That’s a 1:48 ratio of kind act to positive impact. It’s just huge.
So thank someone, or do something kind for someone else because you may not know what they’re going through and you may not know the positive impact you could have.
Thank you co-worker.
