Toss and turn
for sleep I yearn
though I am wracked with fears.
I used to believe
in the monsters under my bed
in my younger years.
No one tells you
but you learn it’s true
that those monsters aren’t real.
But the ones in my head
sure aren’t fake
they threaten how I feel.
I awake from my sleep
after only a peep
to find myself wide-eyed.
I don’t dare to close them
for what I might see
back within my mind.
It’s not what you’d think
when I’m pushed to the brink
it’s not murder, blood, or gore.
It’s all of the things
that haunt me still
from all the years before.
Not trauma I’d say
but worse than a bullet in ways
because there I lie awake.
I’m paranoid
my heart is racing
in a reality I pray is fake.
I wish for dreams set in
the place known as heaven
where I can escape for a while.
My nightmares come
but I live in them
and awake with a mouth full of bile.
The darkness that thrives
does not come from the skies
nor does it live in the closet.
It comes from within
a bank called brain
re-writes that which we deposit.
It’s not monsters under the bed
but those within our own head
that we must fear the most.
The bed is only a step
our souls a house
and we play the part of the host.
There is no escape
from our own fate
there is nothing more to be done.
I’ve vanquished those
that live under my bed
when I vanquish those from my head, then I’ll have won.
