Good morning.
Although, it isn’t all that good. It’s not bad, but I’ve been sleeping pretty terribly lately. Having some nightmares that wake me up and leave me afraid of myself, and my future.
I don’t really know what to write about today. I’ve got other things to do today but I want this blog to turn into something profitable so that writing can be my career.
I don’t need to make tons of money, I don’t want to work for someone else making them way more than I earn from them. I don’t want to work for ethically questionable leaders, or leaders who don’t care enough about the people they lead.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve felt pretty down lately. Nine days left in Sober October, and I’m really nervous about that, since I feel like my coping skills will change and I’ll be back to not exercising, and drinking and all again. What else can I do? “Do things that make you feel shitty mentally!” is what I hear when people suggest things to me. It’s like no one listens when I explain how things are bad, they’re just stuck in their mindsets.
I’m stuck in mine a little too, although, at least, if someone were to explain to me with logic and reason why it was acceptable that human beings manufacture suffering for other human beings, perhaps I could hear it, but I don’t know how you possibly would. Or even why you would bother to try to justify why evil like that was okay in the first place.
I have a very strong set of principles, and so much of this world tests me constantly, and throws me into a state of cognitive dissonance. It’s hard for me to do everyday things that so many people don’t think twice about, but I think (and can explain how) they hurt human beings as a race. There needs to be some serious research done about the impact of the existence of money, as it harms the human race. No one talks about how according to society, your value as a human being can be reduced to a number, and my monthly human value is zero.
It feels pretty awful, to think about your LIFE, your value as a human being, the time that you have on this planet, reduced to a numerical value. People want to blame smartphones and social media for the declining mental state of the world, but look at the server making $15/hour. If they work eight hours, they earn $120 dollars before taxes. A day of their life, according to the rest of the world, is worth $120 dollars. There are televisions, worth more than that persons LIFE. What are you worth according to society? A TV? A computer? A car? No matter what, it doesn’t feel good.
So I don’t know what else to say. I’m not sure that I’ve said anything in this post anyway. I don’t even know if I should post it since it seems pointless and scattered, but I will. I want to show that my life has value. For now, it doesn’t really, and that’s profoundly sad.
I don’t know what to do about it.
